Hasn't it always been you? In some form or another? The same essence, different smile different face, but still it is You. (You would think that mine having come to THIS realization, I would be able to avoid all the pain that lies ahead.......one would think)

I don't understand You. Even worse, I don't understand myself when I am with You. I comfort You and get nothing in return. I kiss You and get nothing in return. I love(d?) You and get nothing in return. Perhaps I am the type of person that enjoys such treatment? I would never consider myself as one. Maybe I am the type of person that sees You, weak and angry, lost and selfish and find myself offering MYSELF to You. Hoping to help, getting eaten and swallowed, mesmerized and encapsulated by YOU...And then discarded. It has always been this way with You.

I sit here typing these words that you read, trying to convey this feeling, and even doing THAT I make myself even more vulnerable... The question is, am I in this condition for You or because of You. I haven't the inclination to even begin to offer an explanation to that. (Besides, we've all seen this played out before, we KNOW how this ends, don't we?)

I don't know where You are at the moment. I find strength in the notion that maybe, just maybe, that little red light on my phone means You had phoned. Me, being the person that I am, gather strength in knowing, HA! You phoned me and I haven't the interest to even check. I will check though, and soon. Feeling lofty and "my old self" I'll hit those buttons, make that message come back and listen to a voice that isn't yours. You didn't call....... You never do.

J. Scott