Forgive me, but I am extremely confused. I'm confused about the way I feel about all of you. Maybe this is just another typical teenage trauma that we all seem to go through at one point or another in our lives. But at the time that we go through them, they seem like so much more. I'm being tortured by my own thoughts of confusion and wonder, and I need some sort of way to silence them all. This was the only way I could think of.

You, the one I'm with. You are the one who has always been there, who has waited for me patiently longer than anyone ever could. You are the one who adores me and treats me good, the one who takes me out to eat and pays for me, the one who would go to almost any lengths to keep me happy. And yet I'm not really happy. I suddenly, as if overnight, have these feelings of distance and detachment. When I used to think of you, I saw someone I wanted to be with, someone I could spend time with and enjoy every minute of it. But now, when I think of you, I see someone who has trapped me into this one-sided relationship. I'm surrounded by the guilt of wanting to end it all. And everything is magnified ten times more by the one that I wish I had.

You, the one I wish I had. The one I've looked at from a distance for the longest time. The one who always had me in awe. You're the one who's gotten me into this mess in the first place. But I am still completely in love with you. You are so perfect to me. You are the walking, talking, breathing, moving embodiment of my perfection. From the first time that I saw you until today when I passed you in the hall, you have stayed the one figure in my life that truly sends the earth spinning beneath me. You're the only one I can imagine myself with in any situation, good or bad. You're the only one I can imagine myself truly, honestly, and completely happy with. You're the only one that can take me in and keep me there for as long as you choose. You are the only one I will never break away from.

And lastly, to you. The one I want to know. You've entered my life so quickly, and yet you've sparked a fire of curiosity, admiration, and interest in me. Although I don't know you well enough to model myself after you, I already see something in you that I can relate to and communicate with. Someone that I want to immerse myself in and possibly learn from. I want to know you. I want to be in your life. Because you're already in mine.

I need to find a way to convey all these messages to each of you. Because these words are trapped between the threads of my mind, weaving in and out of my thoughts all day long. I think about all three of you all the time. And I won't stop thinking until my thoughts, concerns, emotions, and desires are put to rest.

Yours,

~Amanda